To thine own bald guy be true

Part 1: The perfect storm

In hindsight, an air of uncertainty pervaded this trip. It wafted in on the first evening as we left Chalong Bay and settled into our evening routine of chatting and playing cards. We were expecting to cruise peacefully up the coast of Phuket and then across the open sea to the Similans, arriving at about one o'clock in the morning. At that point Charlie, the captain, came round with a supply of seasickness pills and some words of despair.

Charlie is of French descent and has an unmistakable accent. He had already told us about a storm in the north of the Andaman Sea that might prevent us from going to Richelieu Rock. Now, while making an animated motion as if he were waxing the inside of a canoe, he informed us the seas would be getting extremely rough as we headed out to sea. We acknowledged his warning but didn't give the waves too much thought until the seventeenth time he came by, waving like a drunken Miss World contestant. Eventually we all had an image of a cross between The Poseidon Adventure and The Perfect Storm. We were so convinced that several of us who never get seasick took the pills anyway.

Once we'd bagged up our valuables and signed and sealed our wills, we went back to playing cards and getting acquainted. I guess I should introduce the cast before we all drown.

You know Jason, trip organiser and the remaining Marsden brother of Marsden Bros. Webmaster Mary was also along to keep an eye on us and edit out my wilder fictions. Simon from the Bali trip joined us to practise focusing his camera and I was the fourth diver making a repeat appearance.

Newcomers included Jason's school friend Richard, notable for a remarkable piece of engineering involving a rubber band and a snorkel. Iain proved to be the best photographer (look at his pictures if you doubt me). Marc and Nadia are engaged to be married, as are New Zealanders Mark and Melissa, but they seemed strangely reluctant to allow Charlie to perform a mass wedding on the final day. Perhaps it was the prospect of inviting Paul and Trevor, the kings of innuendo. Their chief victim was Ann (aka 'Princess'), who was misfortunate enough to have known Trevor in an earlier life. Rounding out the divers were Willem and Ida, who always had a smile for everyone and a supply of very nice homemade cigars. [Have you noticed that Patrick's reports always have a tobacco subplot? And yet he claims to have given up smoking... Mary.] Keeping us all in order were Charlie and a crew of five who were courteous and helpful in the face of chaos and incompetence.

As we waited for Poseidon to reach up and snatch Andaman Seafarer from the water, Jase attempted to steer the conversation away from unwelcome topics such as 'full refunds' and 'lucrative lawsuits' by introducing a new card game. Since this is a family Web site, I'll refer to it as 'Kings and Women of Ill Repute'. It proved revealing. For example, Iain who was generally quiet and somewhat reserved ended up being the woman of ill repute in almost every game he played. Mark and Melissa also sat down to play with us on that first night. I think it was to break the ice since they were the only people who weren't part of the Marsden Bros group of divers. It says a lot about one's character when one can sit down with a bunch of strangers and repeatedly be called a woman of ill repute, to one's face. What their card playing lacked was more than made up for by their willingness to associate with us.

And the storm? Well, we forgot about the rough seas and so did Mother Nature. As we cruised into the night, the seas got calmer and calmer until we were floating on glass. I suppose it was for the best, but those of us who overdosed on seasickness pills and wore a life jacket all night were somewhat aggrieved. Richard summed up the evening when he described Charlie's forecast as "probably the worst maritime prediction on record".

Next page: The imaginary manta

Divers and crew
(click for a larger version)

Trevor, Mary, Richard and
Jason on the dive deck

Willem and Ida
(and leopard shark)

 

 



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